Plate #4: Crunchwrap Supreme

I don't care what anyone says about Grade F beef and decade-enduring preservatives, I love Taco Bell. I luuuurve Taco Bell, I loave it, I luff it, you know? What some (dumb) people hate about it is probably what irresistibly draws me. Goopy meat and gloopy cheese and soggy lettuce--it's so elegantly disgusting. I mean, who, if not a sick genius, would think up something like this?

My preferred suicide bomb is the Crunchwrap Supreme.

Gorgeous.

From bottom to top: ground beef, nacho cheese, a flat crunchy shell, sour cream, lettuce, and tomato, all neatly wrapped in a flour tortilla the size of your torso and grilled into a hexagon. Architecturally and culinarily perfect.

Of course, I wanted to recreate it. There was, however, the challenge of making this handheld snack of the gods from ingredients that I could properly pronounce.

First, beef and that very distinct Taco Bell flavor, without caving to those Taco Bell brand seasoning packets next to the Pace Picante.

Confession: I did not do this flavor research by myself.

Add to that a cup of water, and add that to a pan with a couple pounds of ground beef until fragrant and brown.

Next, nacho cheese. Problem: how do we create a sauce that won't seize or separate once it's cooled, the way a fancy and proper bechamel will? Solution: cornstarch and evaporated milk.

Confession number two: I did not figure this out on my own either.

After that, we're pretty much ready for assembly!

First, flour tortilla.

Then, goodly smear of nacho cheese.

Then, ground beef.

Then, flat crunchy shell. I fried corn tortillas, which do not 
recreate the authentic Taco Bell experience, but 
delicious nonetheless.

Then, sour cream.

And finally, shredded lettuce and diced tomatoes.

Here, I cheated a little bit. Since I couldn't find any flour tortillas as absurdly massive the ones used in the real deal Crunchwraps, I tore off a bit and gave it a little hat before packaging.

Quick toast in the pan, and BAM, it is mothereffing Crunchwrap Supreme time.

Crunchwrap Supreme (makes 8)
10 large flour tortillas
8 corn tortillas
2 lbs. ground beef
Taco Bell seasoning*
1 ½ cups nacho cheese**
1 cup sour cream
2 cups iceberg lettuce, shredded
2 tomatoes, diced

Fry corn tortilla until crisp. Brown ground beef with seasoning. Layer flour tortilla with nacho cheese, ground beef, corn tortilla, sour cream, lettuce, and tomato. Wrap in hexagon shape. Toast in pan until golden.

Heck yeah, dude.

*Taco Bell Seasoning (makes seasoning for 2 lb. beef)
adapted from eHow.com
2 tbsp. flour
2 tbsp. cornstarch
2 tbsp. onion powder
2 tsp. beef bouillon, crushed
2 tsp. garlic powder
2 tsp. cumin
2 tsp. paprika
2 tsp. chili powder
½ tsp. cayenne pepper
½ tsp. sugar
1 cup water

Mix dry ingredients. Dissolve in water.

**Nacho Cheese Sauce (makes 1 ½ cups)
adapted from Serious Eats
1 cup sharp cheddar, grated
½ cup pepper jack, grated
1 tbsp. cornstarch
12 oz. can evaporated milk
Hot sauce

Toss cheeses and cornstarch. Cook all ingredients over low heat until melted.

Supper Club: Christine's Birthday

Woops, I'm a slacker. It's been a month! Things have happened, as they tend to do--mostly holiday hibernation and contemplating life on my parents' couch during marathons of No Reservations. On occasion, I was social! I even managed to plan and execute the first in (hopefully) a long series of dinner parties with my friend Christine, tentatively called The Fat Kid Supper Club. Sit on it, get back to me with your thoughts.

This is Christine. She's cute. And on sale at Staples.

On account of it being Christine's birthday, and needing to redo the mousse thanks to 10 curdled egg yolks, and copious amounts of champagne, and a blender of hot soup exploding in my face twice, and ending the meal by splitting an entire bottle of port (but luckily not participating in the surprise appearance of fruit punch Four Loko)--on account of all these things, photographic documentation of the evening and its eats are at a poorly lighted minimum.

Next time I'll be better, I promise. I'll even write down the recipes so I can remember how to make them the second time around. New year, new you, etc. etc.

Menu
Prosciutto-Wrapped Pears
Parmesan Rosemary Crackers
Cheese Board
Spiced Nuts
Olives

Mushroom Fennel Soup

Beef Wellington
Green Peppercorn Sauce
Roasted Potatoes
Wilted Swiss Chard

Vanilla Chocolate Salted Caramel Layered Mousse

Snacks to snack on, while I slave away in the kitchen.

'Shroom soup.

Who would've known that green peppercorn sauce turns out pink in
the end? Also, there are vegetables behind the meat, I swear.

A herd of mousse.